Is your life your own or is it owned by your family’s schedule, your job, everyone else but you? How does that make you feel?

One of the most common statements made today by the vast majority of people is: “I’m too busy.”  Few of us would consider being too busy to be an act of violence but that’s exactly how Thomas Merton, a 20^th century Trappist monk and philosopher describes it.

“To allow ourselves to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands,
to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help
everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence.”

Wayne Muller goes on to say in his wonderful book Sabbath: “Merton believed that when we are busy all the time - even busy with good things - the frenzy of our activism actually neutralizes our capacity to feel peaceful inside. It kills the root of inner wisdom that can make peace, and our work, fruitful. And so even though we’re trying to do good work - if we’re desperate and rushed and frantic - we will unintentionally create suffering for people.”  Take a few minutes to take this in. Breathe it in and consider how being too busy might be a violent act in your own life? How might it show up? Were you short with a child’s curiosity and endless questions? When was the last time you made love with your partner? Were you kind to the checkout person? Did you spend enough time with your elderly parents or were you impatient with them for asking you to stay longer? And when was the last time you took an afternoon or, god forbid, a whole day for yourself? A day to wake up slowly, have your coffee, linger with a magazine or meet friends for breakfast; spend the day lost in a great book? When did you last give this gift to yourself? In order to give to those we love and to our community, we must first become healthy and balanced ourselves. Violence isn’t always about guns and war.

The truth is that in order to make deep and lasting change we must create space in our lives for that change to take root and grow. For change to succeed we have to lay a foundation. But where do we begin and how can we keep it going? We begin where we are, we start small and we proceed slowly until we gain momentum and the desired change becomes part of who we are. A journey always starts with that first step.

But what about making those quick changes - not wanting to bother with all this other stuff, just change the job, get out of a bad marriage, keep a more organized home? When we want to make any change we are essentially going to have to reprogram our brains; create new neuronal pathways. Also, remember that you can’t isolate any particular change – it will affect all areas of your life. Think about it – how many times have you committed to changing a bad habit only to fail a few days or weeks later? When we try to sidestep the process we will always fail. But if we create that foundation, if we take the time to reprogram, if we nurture ourselves throughout the process we can and will make deep and lasting change that can impact our lives, our health, and our happiness.

Start by figuring out what it is in your life that makes you feel the most desperate? Is it your schedule, your house, your finances? Once you have identified this you have your beginning point.

Suggestions: (these are only suggestions; pick one to start with, not the whole list!)

   ◊ Cut back on car time. If you are the errand runner in your
      family evaluate your errands to see what is essential and
      what is habit. Record times spent on errands and shopping;
      and share the burden with your partner.

   ◊ Limit after school activities for your children, let them pick
      the one thing they really want to do and then allow them
      free time on a daily basis. Without that free time our
      children lose their ability to day dream, imagine, and create.

   ◊ Share the household load with all family members. If you’re
      fortunate enough to be able to pay someone to clean – do
      it. If not, give everyone their share of the chores and if the
      job is not up to your standards - relax your standards.

   ◊ On the weekend cook enough for a week and eat dinner at
        least twice a week with family and/or friends. If you’re
      eating any meals in your car – you are too busy!

   ◊ Reduce clutter in the home, start with just one room.
      Combine your de-cluttering project with doing something
      for your community.  Check with your volunteer agency to
      find out the best place to donate your used but still good
      clothes, and household items.

   ◊ Reduce your work hours in order to have time with family;
      don’t wait for that crisis; health or otherwise. If you’re
      working more than a nine-hour day you’re working too
      many hours.

   ◊ Designate a Sabbath day, afternoon, hour – keep it sacred.

   ◊ If it’s finances that are overwhelming you, stop shopping.
      It’s that simple. Just think of the money you’re saving and
      the time you’ll have to spend with family or on something
      you’ve always wanted to do. Seek the services as a financial
      counselor and pick up a copy of The Debt Diet.

   ◊ Learn to make tea. Enjoy the ritual; then sit quietly and
      savor it.

Some of you are already groaning about how impossible it would
be to do even one thing on this short list. Some of you are
already challenged by it. If you think any of it is impossible,
consider that the studies are done, the research is in and our
current lifestyles are killing us. Remember Merton’s words?
Chronic disease – including cancer and heart disease – obesity,
depression, alcoholism, road rage, anxiety – all of these and more
are the “side effects” of a too busy life. Be creative; find your
own ways to create space.

Questions:

   What is my purpose in this life?

   What are my values?

   How does my life reflect my values?